


The Last Five Years

by AnnieLoveHappens



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race (US) RPF, Trixya - Fandom
Genre: Break Up, Developing Relationship, Divorce, Drag Queens, F/F, Fluff, Inspired by The Last Five Years, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Female Character, LGBTQ Themes, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Katya Zamolodchikova, Lesbian Trixie Mattel, Mild Smut, Musicals, Past Relationship(s), Russian Katya Zamolodchikova, Sad, Sad Ending, Sad and Sweet, Season 7 (RuPaul's Drag Race)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-18 08:22:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 11,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29365437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnieLoveHappens/pseuds/AnnieLoveHappens
Summary: When love ends the only way to understand it is to go back to the start...There are two sides to every love storyFor Trixie, it was easier to start at the endFor Katya, it was easier to start at the beginningBut the outcome would remain the sameWith a packed suitcaseAnd a goodbye
Relationships: Trixie Mattel/Katya Zamolodchikova
Comments: 10
Kudos: 20





	1. Still Hurting

**Author's Note:**

> This work is heavily based on the musical The Last Five Years

_**Present day** _

It had been a gloomy day, but Trixie was still unsuspecting when she entered her apartment near Central Park, that was until she noticed all the lights being off and a letter that layed on her wife's desk by the window. 

She has been staring at it for too long, she knows that, but the words have yet to sink in properly.

_Dear Trixie._

_I called Fena to help me pack my bags.  
I went downtown and closed the bank account.  
It's not about another shrink, and it's not about another compromise.  
I'm not the only one who's hurting here, and I just don't know what the hell there's left to do. You never saw how far the crack had opened, you never knew I had run out of rope. And I could never rescue you, no matter how much I tried. _

_All I could do was love you, and God, I loved you, but now I have to let you go.  
We can fight more, we can wait longer, or I can go now, and that's what I'm choosing to do._

_Goodbye, Trixie._

_\- Katya_

Katya.

Katya is over and Katya is gone.  
That there is no doubt about.  
She has new dreams to follow whilst Trixie is left in their apartment, still hurting.

Katya always was convinced that all their problems could be blamed on Trixie, somehow everything turned out to be her fault. So maybe she's feeling just fine now that the brown eyed girl is gone from her life?

"What about lies, Katya? What about everything you swore to be true? What about everything you did? What about you?" Trixie whispers to herself angrily as she circles the apartment with the letter in hand.

Katya's the one who had all the secrets, why does she get to decide what marks their ending?  
Why is Trixie once again the one left hurting?

"Fine, Katya, go and hide. Run away and find something better. Run away like it's simple, like it's somehow right.." She says spitefully through her tears. She sinks down on the cold floor, it seeming like the only thing holding her together as she thinks through everything that went wrong in their relationship.

"If you had given me a chance to understand, see what I did that was so awful, maybe I'd see how you could be so certain that we had no chance... at all." Trixie tells the letter, as if she's speaking to the woman directly, even tho she knows that Katya has likely already moved on.

Where can she go now?  
Where can she turn?

Katya has covered her in scars she did nothing to earn, and yet here she sits, broken and bruised.

"Maybe there's a lesson somewhere in this..." She whispers as the letter slips out of her hands, her arms wrapping themselves around her legs, that she has brought close to her chest.

But no lesson will change the fact of Katya leaving.  
Nor speed the time of Trixie's healing.

Not when everything they have built for the last five years is gone.


	2. Искушение Goddess

_**5 years ago** _

Katya pressed the girl up against the door as she ripped the blonde's jacket off, attacking the girl's lips. She signaled for Trixie to jump and carried her over to the bed, dropping the curvy brown eyed girl down, the luscious curls of long blonde hair bouncing as her back hit the mattress.

The blue eyed woman wanted to worship ever inch of the other girl's body. Paint the sunkissed skin with dark marks. Show the entire world that this unpure angel belonged to her.

"I'm breaking my mother's heart, the longer I stay looking at you, the more I hear it splinter into a thousand tiny pieces. I'm sure my grandfather is rolling over in his grave." Katya laughed out as her lips met Trixie's strawberry flavored ones once again, her hands pulling off every offensive layer of clothing, desperate to feel the soft, bare skin of the girl.

"I can handle everything, I swear. Your Barbie collection, your obsession with Spice Girls and Dolly Parton, I can take it all as long as I don't have to date any more of the exhaustingly boring Russian men who want to make me into a fucking housewife. Mother Russia is crying as she watches me, and I don't give a shit." The blue eyed woman said, making Trixie laugh as their messy makeout session continued.

"Even if you were old and bald, I'd still say I've been waiting for someone like you." She said as she kissed down the doll's cleavage and around the swell of her large breasts.

"You're ridiculous." Trixie giggled out as the woman's trail of kisses continued.

Katya didn't care how ridiculous she sounded. Her life had gone from black and white to IMAX the moment the Malibu Barbie had entered her world. Trixie flipped them over and sucked harshly on her neck, the thick thighs around her toned legs and the girl grinding down against her, searching for friction.

"Oh my god... Okay, hold on, hold on." Katya said as she flipped them over again and pulled away from the bed.

"What's happening?" Trixie asked confused but also endlessly fascinated, as the Russian woman walked manically around the room.

"I have to, I have to take this in." The blue eyed girl said, staring at the temptress in front of her, making the doll giggle once more.

"You don't understand, I've been waiting through Dimitri Ivanov, Alexej Kuznetsov, and the Chernyshevsky brothers. I've been waiting through Nikolay Oblonsky and Ivan Goncharov, just trying to play straight for the sake of my parents!" Katya told the girl, slowly making her way back to the bed.

"But the minute I first met you, I knew nothing else mattered, I could barely even catch my breath. I swear, I've been standing for days with the phone in my hand, like an idiot scared to death. So Mother Russia and my own mom can suck it, because Искушение Goddess, I've been waiting for someone like you." She added, her lips finding Trixie's again, the soft pillowy pink lips feeling as if she was tasting the Holy Grail.

Lust soon pulled them together, their actions controlled purely by desire. Waves of pleasure crashing as they devoured eachother, both eventually coming undone with yells of eachother's name.

"You are the story I should write." Katya whispered as they layed cuddled together. She pressed a soft kiss to the girl's shoulder, relishing in the fact that this woman was somehow hers.

"What do you mean?" Trixie asked sweetly, snuggling closer to the blue eyed girl.

"I want to write about you. No, actually, I have to write about you." Katya said, pulling away from the other girl, who sat up with a confused laugh right after.

"What, like right now?" The doll asked with a giggle.

"Yes, now. Now, before I loose this feeling of heaven." The other woman replied, lifting each of the girl's hands, pressing a kiss to both before heading over to the computer, typing away while on occasion glancing over at the angel who was soon fast asleep in her bed.


	3. See I'm Smiling

_**1 month ago** _

"I guess I can't believe you really came, and that we're both actually sitting on this pier." Trixie said, a smile spreading on her lips as the pair gazed out at the calm waters of the lake. 

"See, I'm smiling... I'm just so happy that you're here." She added in a sigh of relief.

They'd been struggeling, for a good while now. Trixie knew there was no point in denying that. Katya never took the time to see her anymore, never got excited to see her anymore, but here she was. Finally. 

"I stole this sweater from the costume shop, it kinda makes me look like Daisy Mae from Li'l Abner, don't you think?" The brown eyed girl joked as she gestured to her pink shirt which had ridiculously large, red polka dots on it. Katya laughed her signature wheezy laugh at that, the sound warming Trixie's heart more than words ever could. 

"See, we're laughing... I think we're gonna be okay." The doll said with tears of relief pressing to spill from her eyes. However a comforting hand on her shoulder and a soft smile was all the response she got from the other woman, but the brown eyed girl payed that no mind. 

"I mean, of course, we'll have to try a little harder, compromise more, so we can make this love as special as it was five years ago. But, I mean, you made it to Ohio, so who knows where else we can go from here, right?" Trixie said, but fear finding her once she saw the slight hesitation in the other woman's eyes.

She quickly changed her strategy. Changed the subject to something easier, something they could joke about without trouble.

"I think you're really gonna like the show. I'm like pretty sure it doesn't completely suck this time." The brown eyed girl joked, a laugh escaping Katya once more as she dropped her head so it almost layed in the crook of the other girl's neck, making the poor doll relax.

"See, you're laughing and I'm smiling... We're doing fine." Trixie whispered, almost trying to convince herself more than the red lipped woman. 

Katya lifted her head and stood up, pulling the other girl with her, the pair strolling back towards the theatre houses hand in hand. 

"I think we both can see what could be better, I'll own when I was wrong. But with all we've had to go through, I think we'll end up twice as strong. And so we'll start again this weekend, and just try our best to keep going." Trixie said softly, trying to admit to her own mistakes to ease the gap that had been growing between them. Katya had come to see her, the least she could do was meet her halfway. But as she said her last sentence, the blue eyed girl's hand was pulled out of her own.

"Baby, I can't stay this weekend, I'm so sorry. I have this like stupid Penguin Random House -thing, and I couldn't get out of it." Katya explained, stuffing her hands in her pockets.

Trixie felt her heart sink, but she willed herself not to get annoyed or angry.

"I didn't know you had to go so soon." She said sadly.

"I know, I'm so sorry, sweetheart." The other woman replied regretfully.

"I thought we had a little time..." Trixie said as she tried not to cry.

"I know, baby, I know." 

"Look, whatever, if you have to, and you have to, so whatever... It's allright." The brown eyed girl promised, realising that patience was what she needed to have now. It was a shorter visit then expected, but they still had some time. She stepped closer to Katya with an understanding smile, the other girl kissing her knuckles softly.

"At least we'll have tonight." Trixie added as she was about to wrap her arms around her wife. However her arms fell to her side once she saw Katya's expression, the look of guilt and panic filling the girl's ocean blue eyes.

"Yeah, see the thing is... I tried to get a plane ticket for tomorrow, but the only flights available were for tonight... You know, I can come back on Monday if you want but.." Katya babbled nervously as anger and dissappointment clouded Trixie's eyes.

"You know what makes me crazy? I'm sorry, but I can say this? You know what makes me nuts? The fact that we could be together, we could be together here and actually spend time together for once. But you are gonna choose someone else to be with.." Trixie said in disbelief at the fact that her wife was leaving so soon after arriving.

"No listen, baby, that's not what I'm doing..." Katya started, but Trixie cut her off.

"No, you are!" 

"I'm not choosing someone else to be with." Katya finished in an annoyed tone.

"Yes Katya, that's exactly what you're doing! You could be here with me or be there with them. But as usual, guess which you pick?" The brown eyed girl said bitterly. 

"Trix, I have to go!" The blue eyed girl yelled.

"No Katya, you do not have to go to another party with the same twenty jerks you already know! You could stay with your wife on her fucking birthday!" Trixie yelled, the anger boiling uncontrollably.

"Okay, calm down. Allright?" Katya said as she looked around, clearly embarrassed that someone might see the famous author argue with her "failure of a broadway actress" - wife. 

"No, you know what? You could! And you could, God forbid, even see my show for once! Oh, but I know. I know it must drive you crazy that you won't get to spend more time with your little girlfriends!" Trixie said as the other woman stepped closer to try to hold her still, but the doll simply pushed the blue eyed girl's arms away.

"You're being crazy!"

"No, I'm not! 'Cause you know what, Katya? You can't spend a fucking day that's not about you! It's always you, and you, and nothing but you, fucking miles and piles of you. Oh, isn't she wonderful? The genius 28 year old? The Savior of Writing! The fucking Messia of Litterature! You're pushing through windows on route to the sky, and I..." Trixie yelled until she ran out of breath. The word I hanging heavily in the air.

Who was she?  
To the world she was nothing more than Katya's entourage...  
She had worked so hard to build herself a career and yet no one would ever pay attention to her if it wasn't about Katya. 

Katya had been the only stable part of her life.  
Her only rock.  
But now their love was slipping through her fingers.  
The girl who had given Trixie her unshared attention was now jumping into the beds of others.  
The proof of it too clear to miss.  
The pain of it unimaginable. 

Tears rolled down her cheeks as she thought about how miserable her life had become, the life that was meant to be so perfect. She looked up at Katya, wishing to see any sign of care or worry, but there was nothing.

"I swear to God, I'll never understand how you can stand there straight faced and see I'm crying, and not do anything at all." Trixie whispered before walking away.


	4. Moving Too Fast

_**4 years ago** _

"Yeah hello?"

 _"Hey, have I reached Katya Zamolads..."_ A man's voice started, but Katya cut him off once he started butchering her name.

"Yeah, this is Katya Zamolodchikova." The blue eyed girl said into the phone that was pressed between her neck and shoulder as she closed the laptop that was sitting in her lap.

_"Great, my name is Pete Williams, I'm a literary agent. You're the writer of **In Our Dollhouse** , right? I'd really like to have a meeting with you to discuss it." _

"Oh, uhm, sure, okay? Wait, who told you about that? How?" Katya asked confused into the phone, putting her laptop in her bag so she could hold the phone less akwardly. 

_"Yeah, I've just finished reading it, and I'm very interested in working on it with you."_ Pete told her. 

Someone read it?

"Wait, wait, you read my manuscript? But how did you even get that?" The girl asked confused.

 _"Yeah, your professor, Michelle Visage, asked me to look through it. I hope that's okay?"_ The man replied.

"Oh, Professor Visage. Yeah, yeah, no, that's totally okay. That's great actually, it's really just a second draft so it's not far along.." Katya babbled before the man on the phone cut her off.

_"Well, i love it and I may have handed it to Penguin Random House, and they are very interested in it."_

"Wait, who? Random House read it?" Katya said in excitement.

 _"Yeah, I hope you're okay with that?"_ Pete asked her.

"Yeah, yeah that's great! Holy shit!"

_"Well, I'd really like you to come meet me today to discuss getting signed to our agency. My office is in New York, but you live here, right?"_

"Yeah, I live here, I'll be right there." The girl confirmed quickly.

 _"Great, it really is a wonderful debut novel, and you're only 23, is that correct?"_ The man said.

"Yeah, I'm 23." 

_"You could go really far Katya, I look forward to meeting you. See you soon, I'll text you the address."_ Pete told her.

"Great, thank you. Oh my god. I look forward to meeting you too." Katya said, trying to restrain herself from screaming, but ending up doing as soon as the man had hung up. She quickly called Trixie, feeling as if she needed to grasp the moment to speed ahead as quickly as possible since everything was working itself into place.

 _"Hi babe."_ Trixie said once she picked up.

"Hey Trix, I thought about what you said, and yeah, let's move in together." Katya told the girl.

 _"Wait, really? Katya, what happened?"_ Trixie asked surprised, but clearly very happy.

"I'll tell you later, alright? Just find an appartment you like. I love you." She said, hearing Trixie ask more confused questions as she hung up. She jumped on her motorcycle and drove off to the address Pete had just sent. 

She was flying high, but she felt somewhat unprepared. After all, she had expected this to not happen for at least another ten years. Things were moving too fast, but whilst most would wait and step on the breaks, Katya was happy with flying full speed ahead, nerves be damned.

The meeting went amazing, and everything seemed almost too good to be true.

How did she get this lucky?  
She had found a woman she loved, and an agent who loved her, things could not be better.

She knew things could get bumpy but so many people would analyze everything and stall because they couldn't the the path clearly. So many would freeze up out of fear that they might fail. But she wouldn't be like that. She refused to be like that. Even if things were moving too fast, she'd keep rolling on.

In no time at all she and Trixie had found a beautiful appartment together near Central Park. The Atlantic Monthly printed the first chapter of her book without Katya having to rewrite a word. Then Penguin Random House was ready to publish the novel, all before Katya had even made it to the age of 24. 

She had left behind Boston for all of this, and not a single part of her regretted her decision. Her life was quickly becoming everything she had dreamed and more. 

But whilst Katya's career was skyrocketing, Trixie's was doing the opposite. Every audition ending in another no.  
But Katya's income provided stability which still allowed them to move forward. So, they were happy.  
Very happy.

At least for a while.


	5. A Part Of That

_**1 year ago** _

Another party. This one celebrating Katya's newest book, _"Red Scare"_ being on the top of the Best Seller's list for 63 weeks.  
Trixie was proud of her, of course she was, but the parties were draining.  
All the enquires of what it was like to be the wife of a best selling author and what Katya was really like, the same questions being asked over and over, no one actually taking any real interest in who Trixie was, Katya always being busy the entire evening and barely talking to her, all of it was exhausting.

But Trixie did it, sat through them night after night like the perfect wife. She did that for Katya.

"So, what's it really like? To live with her, see her work?" Another young girl asked Trixie, the brunette practically drooling as she looked at Katya who stood at the other side of the room.

"Well, you know, one day it's just a typical life, and then she's off on a trip to Katya-land. She'll stare catatonically out the window, seem as if she's barely even breathing. And then she'll smile and her eyes will light up... And then without a sound, a moment comes to life. And I get to be a part of that." The blonde told the girl, all love and care seeping into her words as she described the brilliant mind of her wife.

"Oh wow, that sounds amazing." The girl replied in slight envy, Trixie just nodded before she got up from her chair to grab another free glass of champagne from the bar.

"Hey Mrs. Zamolodchikova, I'm from Us Weekly, could I ask you some quick questions?" A reporter asked her moments after she'd gotten her hands on more alcohol.

"Yeah, sure." 

"Brilliant, so what's it really like to be Katya's wife? How does she act at home and what's her process like?" The man asked her. Trixie fought back the urge to roll her eyes at the question.

God, could these people not think of anything original?

"You know, we'll be making dinner and making plans, and then she'll suddenly get on the mule train to Katya-land. Eat handful after handful of Doritos, circle the apartment like a crazy woman.. And then she'll smile and her eyes will light up and it's just the most amazing sight. And then, how can I complain?" Trixie told him, making him smile at the warmth in her tone as the girl looked towards Katya who was wildly explaining something while flailing her arms dramatically.  
"Yes, she's insane." She added with a laugh, the man laughing a little too at the comment.

"But look what she can do, what she can create! And I'm a part of that, and that makes me endlessly happy." Trixie finished. The reporter thanked her and scribbled down his notes before leaving her alone. 

Yes, it was true.  
She tended to follow in Katya's stride and take the other girl's cue, but there was no question or doubt in her mind about this being the life she wanted.

She had promised to stick it out and follow through, and it was worth it because even if she was mostly left by herself at an empty table whilst her wife chatted to important people, Katya's eyes would find her through the crowd and those red lips would spread into the most blindingly beautiful smile. 

And then where else could she go?

Somehow no rules applied when Katya smiled, nothing else would even make sense.

Those eyes would light up and that incredible mind of hers would invent the world that's passing by, and Trixie was a part of that.

She was a part of that.   
Wasn't she?

When the party ended, Katya layed passed out in their bed as Trixie finished reading through her wife's newest manusprict, the dedication on the first page once again showing her that she was in fact a part of it all.

_**Dedication** _

_To my dear Trixie_

"I'm a part of that." She whispered to herself as she closed the manuscript and joined Katya in bed, sleep soon finding her.


	6. The Schmuel Song

3 years and 6 months ago

Katya was setting up Christmas decorations when Trixie walked in the door, throwing her jacket and bag angrily down in the hallway.

"Hey, how was work?" The blue eyed girl asked as the doll walked straight past her and into the kitchen.

"Okay, so not a very good day at the bar, huh? Did you at least get some good tips? Any.." Katya tried, but she was interrupted by the sound of breaking glass moments later.

"Shit!" Trixie yelled out before she went to get a broom to clean it up.

"You look really pretty, if that matters... You working on anything tonight?" The blue eyed girl said, attempting to find any subject that might make the girl's mood better.

"Like what?"

"You know, your songs, the dress you've been working on.. didn't you have an audition or something later this week?" Katya asked.

"I'm not going." The brown eyed girl mumbled out as she walked back into the small living room and layed down on the couch in a depressed state.

"Why?"

"Because... I'm not gonna get it." Trixie said sadly as the other woman sat down beside her.

"Oh come on, have you tried calling your agent?" The blue eyed woman asked.

"He's on a retreat." The doll replied.

"A retreat? What the hell is an agent retreat?" Katya asked.

"I don't know, they go into the woods and sacrifice actresses to breed more agents." Trixie replied with a small laugh making the other woman laugh aswell.

"God, that is a frightening image.. Anyways, I have prepared a little surprise for you, in the form of a story." Katya told the other girl.

"Babe, no, please, I've had such a shitty day." The brown eyed girl argued.

"No, listen, I've been doing this for hours, so you're gonna sit up and listen for like five minutes. Come on, it won't kill you." The blue eyed woman said, pulling Trixie up until she was sitting upright.

"You know, if I'd known there would be this many stories, I wouldn't have ever dated a writer." Trixie replied making the other woman laugh.

"Well too late, but you're gonna like it, I promise. It's a Christmas story, I call it _Schmuel - The Tailor of Klimovich_." Katya said as she sat down next to the pink western dress that Trixie had been working on for months, picking up the soft measuring tape that layed on the workbench next to it and throwing it around her own neck.

"Schmuel would work until half-past ten at his tailor shop in Klimovich. He'd get up at dawn every day and go to work once more." The blue eyed girl started telling, picking up a pair of scissors and thread as she turned towards Trixie's dress.

"Are you gonna touch my dress right now?" Trixie asked skeptically, a tiny bit of panic in her voice.

"Forty-one years had come and gone at his tailor shop in Klimovich. As the winters passed by, one by one, there was one thing that Schmuel missed.  
 _If I only had time, I would build the dress that's in my head. The dress that would impress any girl from here and all the way to Minsk. But I have no more hours left now to sew._ \- old Schmuel said. But then suddenly the clock upon the wall began to glow..." Katya said as she put down the items, placing the measuring tape around the neck of the sewing doll which modelled the unfinished dress.

"And the clock said; _Oh Schmuel, you'll get to be happy. I give you unlimited time!_ " The blue eyed woman said in a funny voice, letting her Russian accent shine through for once, as she stood up and moved her arms like a clock. "It's a magical clock." She added for explanation.

"I have never been more attracted to you." Trixie said sarcastically.

"But Schmuel said; _No, no, it is not my luck, I've got to make do with the time I've got... Oh, look at the time, it's time to go._ " Katya said in an old voice, moving Trixie's sewing things around as if she was cleaning up to leave.

"Why do all my things have to come into this?" The doll said in a small whining voice.

"Schmuel was done at half-past ten and he put on his coat to go, but then the clock cried; _Wait! Not yet!_ " The other girl said dramatically. "Pretty good, right?" She added, but no response was given by Trixie who had just been startled by the woman yelling out the previous line.

" _Even though you're not rich or wise, you're the finest man in Klimovich! Listen up, Schmuel - Just make one stitch and you'll see what you can get!_ The clock told him. But Schmuel said,  
 _Clock, it's much too late, I'm at peace with my life and I've accepted my fate..._ But the clock said,  
 _Schmuel! One stitch and you will unlock the dreams you've lost!_  
So Schmuel, with reluctance pulled a bolt of velvet and fetched needle and thread. And he said:  
 _I should be asleep already, but here I am with a talking clock instead._ " Katya continued, her heart warming as she saw a small smile spread on her girlfriend's face.

"But the clock repeated;  
 _Oh Schmuel, you'll get to be happy. I give you unlimited time! Schmuel, just do it, and you can be happy._  
So Schmuel put the thread through the needle's eye, and the moon stared down from a starless sky. He pushed the thread through the layers of black velvet, and then the clock was suddenly turning back!  
So he grabbed his shears and he cut some lace, as the clock hands spun backwards at a quick pace, and his fingers flew and the fabric swirled, and soon it was nine-fifteen all around the world. And Schmuel cried out;  
 _Take me back all forty-one years!_ " The blue eyed girl said as she decorated Trixie and her dress in pieces of lace, colorful ribbons, and twinkling fairy lights. The doll smiled a bit at the dramatic reading, aswell as how ridiculous she knew she had to be looking at that point.

"And on it went until Schmuel's dress was at last complete. As the morning sun finally started to rise, the old man's eyes fell shut." Katya said as she turned on all the sparkling Christmas lights in the room.

"And the dress he made on that endless night, was a dress that would make anyone breathless, as every ribbon and button was so ideally placed, everything stitched perfectly together. And sewn into the fabric were forty-one seasons of dreams that were finally coming true."

Katya went over to Trixie, pulling her up from her seat and wrapping her up in a soft hug before she made the girl sit down on a chair nearby, as she herself walked over towards the now decorated unfinished dress.

"And that very dress was the gown a girl in Odessa wore on the day she promised to love a young man named Schmuel, who only one day before had knocked at her kitchen door." Katya said, clasping her hands together as she took a quick bow, her girlfriend applauding her with small claps.

"That was pretty long, but it's fun." Trixie said with a cute smile.

"Oh, it's not over yet. Plenty have hoped and dreamed and prayed, but they can't get out of Klimovich." The blue eyed girl said as she walked over to the other girl, pointing at her girlfriend's forehead. Knowing that the girl's mind would work overdrive and never let the poor doll rest.

"If Schmuel had been a cute young maiden, he'd have looked a lot like you." Katya continued.

"Sorry, I'm Schmuel in this story!? I'm not the girl from Odessa?" Trixie said surpised, feeling very read by the other woman.

"Yes, you are, Trix. Maybe it's just that you're afraid to take a risk. Maybe your heart's completely swayed, but your head can't follow through. But shouldn't I want the world to see the brilliant girl who's my inspiration? Don't you think that now's a good time to be the ambitious freak you are?" Katya told her as she removed the ribbons and fairy lights she had thrown around the girl's neck, kissing the brown eyed girl's cheek before pulling her up from her seat.

"Say goodbye to working long nights as a bar waitress, and say hello to Trixie Mattel, the Broadway star!" The blue eyed girl said.

Katya pulled Trixie into her arms, swinging her around in their living room and dancing to no music, the girl laughing and smiling as they danced around like idiots.

"'Cause I say; _Oh Trixie, you'll get to be happy. I give you unlimited time! Go, just do it, and you can be happy._ Here's the number of a headshot guy and a new BackStage Magazine, and I swear, you're right for something on every page. Take a breath, take a step, take a chance, and take your time." The blue eyed woman said as she sat the doll back down on the couch, handing her a small origami box. Trixie gently opened it, finding a silver wristwatch inside and feeling a tear fall down her cheek as she realised Katya had done what the clock had promised in the story; she'd given her time.

"Have I mentioned today, how lucky I am to be in love with you?" Katya said softly as Trixie got up to wrap her arms around her.

"I love you too." The doll whispered just before their lips met in a soft kiss.


	7. A Summer In Ohio

_**2 years ago** _

Trixie pressed the call button on her computer screen, smiling widely as she waited under the burning hot sun. 

"Katya." She sighed out as the beautiful face of her wife appeared on the screen.

"Hi baby, how's it going?" Katya asked with a bright smile.

"It's good, strange, but okay. You know, I could have a mansion on a hill but it wouldn't be as nice as a summer in Ohio with a gay white man with dwarfism playing Tevye and Porgy." Trixie replied sarcastically.

"Oh wow." Her wife laughed.

"Mhm, quite impressive, right?" The brown eyed girl said with a nod, her eyes large as she thought about how the theatre was both representing some minorities and offending others at the same time. 

"What else?" Katya asked.

"Well, I'm sharing a room with a _"former "_ stripper and her snake called Wayne." Trixie laughed a little, whilst the blue eyed girl was fully wheezing at the absurdity of the cast her wife was working with.

"But you know what, I could have a satchel full of dollar bills or be in line to be the British queen, and still I'm certain I'd prefer to be going slowly insane forty miles east of Cincinatti." 

This comment caused Katya to laugh even harder, flailing her legs and arms as her entire body shook.

"Honestly tho, I could shove an ice pick in my eye or eat expired fish and it still wouldn't be as awful as a summer in Ohio without cable, hot water, vietnamese food, or you." Trixie said into the camera, emphazising the last word with a longing tone.

"Oh baby, I love you. And dear God, I miss you." Katya replied.

"I miss you too, so much, you have no idea. Oh by the way, I saw your book at a Target in Kentucky, under a sign that said _New and Recommended_. I even stole a look at your picture on the inside sleave of it." Trixie said, giggling at how childish she had acted once she'd seen her wife's book. 

"Also, get this, Richard was there and he got all quiet and shit. And then he said;   
_All things considered, I guess you don't have to buy it._ Literally in the most snarky tone ever, so I just smiled like Mona Lisa and turned around to buy it anyways." She continued.

"That's my girl." The blue eyed girl said in a proud tone.

"I swear, he wants me, he's like not even trying to hide it anymore, but bitch he ain't gonna get me." The curvy blonde said.

Trixie knew had found her guiding light and she thanked the stars above for it every night, because honestly she must have done something extremely right in her life to earn having Katya be in it.

"Damn right, he ain't." Katya replied. 

"I swear, you're the one thing I know is right about my life." Trixie said sincerely. "I just pray I can state in my next bio that I'm never gonna go back to Ohio, I'm so over playing shows for a room of 8 seniors." She added.

"I know babe, I'm sure things will pick up soon tho."

"I hope so. But honestly, I could chew on tin foil or get a root canal in hell, but it still wouldn't be as good as this summer is gonna be. 'Cause the torture is just incredible as I'm waiting for you to visit." Trixie said, her tone slightly seductive at the end as she ran her hands over her body.

"Oh Trix, now you're just being unfair. Fuck, I wanna touch you so badly." Katya said as she watched her wife kneed her large breasts together before quickly pulling down her bra to flash the camera for a couple seconds. 

"Well then hurry up and get here. There's a girl named Mrs. Zamolodchikova who is desperate to see you." The brown eyed girl replied. 

"Oh, is there? Then I shall hurry, wouldn't want to keep this Mrs. Zamolodchikova waiting." The blue eyed writer responded. 

"Good." 

"I'll see you soon baby." Katya assured.

"See you soon, Katya. Bye." Trixie said, blowing a kiss which her wife pretended to catch before hanging up the call to return to rehearsals with the dwarf, the stripper, and Wayne the snake.


	8. The Next Ten Minutes

_**3 years ago** _

It was a sunny day in Central Park. The sunrays made the lake sparkle magically and a gentle wind blew, making the leaves of the trees sway softly. Trixie's dress was at last complete and Katya had convinced her that it was a perfect day to wear it out, insisting that they needed to go for a walk. And so there they were, walking hand in hand serenely through a park in the middle of Manhattan.

"No, that one's Jerry Seinfeld, and that one's John Lennon there, wait no, the Dakota. The San Remo is up a few blocks. Have you been inside the Museum? We should go sometime, meet the dinosaurs." Katya stated nervously as she pointed out things near and in the park, finding trouble focusing as they stared out at the lake. Trixie just giggled sweetly, to used to Katya's tangents to suspect anything out of the ordinary, her eyes gazing ahead at the people rowing their boats calmly on a Sunday afternoon. 

"Trixie?" Katya said, grabbing the doll's attention and making the girl sit down next to her on the bench beside them, taking both of the doll's hands in her own.

"What is it?" Trixie asked curiously, now noticing how nervous the other girl was. 

"Will you share your life with me, for the next ten minutes? Just for the next ten minutes, I mean, we can handle that, right?" Katya asked with a bright smile, laughing a little. Trixie giggled and nodded, leaning her head on the other girl's shoulder as her gaze traveled to the lake once more.

"We could watch the waves, watch the clouds and do shapes, or just sit and wait as the time ticks by. And if we make it for that long, maybe I can ask you again for another ten minute lifetime?" The blue eyed girl said as she kissed the top of her girlfriend's head sweetly.

"And if you agree, to the next ten minutes, and the next ten minutes, until morning comes... Then, just holding you, might just make me ask you for more." Katya said as she got up to stand in front of the honey eyed doll, a curious look clouding the girl's face.

"There are so many lives I want to share with you, and I will never be complete until I do." She said with a bright smile, sitting down on one knee and pulling a pink diamond ring out from her pocket. Trixie stared at it for a moment before she got up from her seat, stepping away from the other girl. Katya felt panic run through her, fearing that this might mean be their end and not their beginning, as she had expected.

"I'm not always on time.. Please, don't expect that from me... I will be late, but if you can just wait a while, I will make it eventually..." Trixie said in a shaking voice, tears threatening to spill from her eyes as she conveyed her fears, Katya's panic and disappointment growing by the minute.

"It's not like it's in my control, and it's not like I'm proud of it... But I swear, anything other than being exactly on time, I can do." The doll said in a comforting tone as she sat next to Katya.

The blue eyed woman felt as if Trixie was taking pity on her, trying to soften the blow by saying that the day might come eventually. What she didn't understand however, was that Trixie meant something completely different.

"I don't know why people run. I don't know why things fall apart. And I really don't understand how anybody can survive in this life without someone like you." Trixie said with a smile, crystal tears falling down her soft cheeks as Katya looked at her in surprise.

"I could say no and goodbye, and protect my heart forever, but why would I ever do that Katya? I want to be your wife. I want to die knowing I had a long, full life in your arms. I wanna be with you for forever." The brown eyed girl said, taking the ring from the shocked girl and sliding it on her own finger before throwing herself in Katya's warm embrace.

"Let's stay together for a million summers, until the fucking world explodes." Katya said lifting Trixie up and spinning her around before showering her in kisses. 

"Until there's no one left who has ever known us apart." Trixie replied, pushing some loose strands behind Katya's ear. 

There are so many dreams I need to see with you." The blue eyed girl whispered as she kissed Trixie's cheek.

"There are so many years I need to live with you, I don't think I'll ever feel alive until I do." Trixie replied moving Katya's chin so she could kiss her properly. Their life was just barely beginning, the promise of a lifetime together so clear in both their minds as they continued on their Sunday walk.

"Is it that one, the one that's John Lennon? And, that's the San Remo, right? Isn't that the Museum? Can we go see the dinosaurs?" Trixie said sweetly as Katya smiled happily, endlessly relieved and glowing with love.  
The care their shared between them clear as day, their eyes shining with affection. Anyone who saw them would assume their love would last forever.

And on a perfect Sunday by a lake in the middle of Manhattan, it seemed like it really could.


	9. A Miracle Would Happen

_**1 year and 6 months ago** _

They say that the minute you get married, every other person in the world suddenly finds you attractive. Well, that's not true.   
But in Katya's opinion it seemed like that only affected the kind of women she had always wanted to sleep with. All these women who wouldn't give her the time of day, but suddenly now when she was married and successful, they were all banging down her door.   
Of course, she knew she couldn't touch them, in fact, she couldn't even look at them anymore. 

In a perfect world, a miracle would happen and every other girl would just dissappear or stop being hot. And it would just be her and Trixie, and nothing else would matter, but life doesn't work that way. But it wasn't a problem, no, not really. She was fine, she really was, completely fine, married and happy. It was just a challenge, yeah, a challenge to resist temptation.

The main issue was the bestseller parties where she was constantly the center of attention, and then one of those freaking supermodels would walk up to her and say; _"Let's get a cup of coffee. Will you look at my manuscript?"_ with a seductive look in her eyes, and Katya would be tempted again. 

And of course she'd try to casually show her wedding ring, but the girls never care. Then seconds later Trixie would be there, because she'd know, they always know. And there'd be that really awkward moment where Katya would try to show that she didn't encourage it, even tho of course she did. And yet, she'd try not to look whipped in front of the unknown girl, which was so dumb, as she knew she shouldn't give a damn what that girl thought becasue she couldn't touch her anyways.

But in a perfect world stuff like that wouldn't happen, every other girl would just look like Mr. Ed, and all her attention would be on Trixie, just like it once was. But it wasn't a problem, it was completely fine, just a challenge. She loved Trixie, and this was what she had wanted, she just needed to resist temptation. 

Katya's phone started ringing, Trixie's name lighting up the screen.

"Hey baby. How'd the audition go?" She asked.

 _"It went really, really well. I think I got it."_ Trixie said excitedly.

"That's amazing, Trix. It's off Broadway, yeah?"

 _"Yeah, it is, but honestly I'd take anything as long as I don't have to go to Ohio again. Will you come meet me for lunch to celebrate?"_ The doll said with a cute giggle.

"Of course, I'll be there soon, Trix. I'll finish up this chapter and be out the door. I am so proud of you, baby, you're doing what you never got to do before. I'll come soon, if only fucking Random House stops calling." Katya said with a laugh as she had to say goodbye to take another call from Random House.

Katya had hoped that day would be a turning point, that their miracle had finally arrived. She thought they'd get to do everything they'd ever planned, and that they could make it through, but of course life wasn't that kind. Trixie didn't get the part, the blow heartbreaking as she traveled to Ohio for another summer of mediocre musical productions for an audience of under ten people.

That half year took a toll on them, Trixie growing bitter as the feeling of failure filled her, Katya's temptations growing stronger every day until one late evening in the office where she finally gave in. She knew she'd be late for Trixie's show in Ohio, maybe she'd miss is entirely, but she couldn't stop herself. So with a lump in her throat as she got out of her publisher's assistant's bed, she texted her wife;

_I'll be there soon, Trixie... I swear, I will._


	10. Climbing Uphill

_**3 years and 6 months ago** _

Another bad audition.  
Trixie didn't even know why she was still trying, but this one truly was one for the history books.  
The pianist had given her the wrong note, so she'd begun singing in the completely wrong key. Of course, it didn't really matter anyways, at this point she'd probably travel to the moon before she'd pass a fucking audition.

Every day was the same. She'd get up every morning at 6, go stand in line with two hundred girls who were all younger and thinner than her and listen to them brag about how they'd already been to the gym. Then she'd wait there for five hours, see girls come and go, all wearing the same dress in different colors, until finally her number gets called. Then she'd walk into a room with a table of men. Always men, usually gay. Who'd been sitting all day, like she had, listening to two hundred girls belting as high as they could.

The next morning she went for another audition, and yet again the same routine rang true. As she stepped inside the room she forced herself to think positive thoughts.

"I'm a good person, I'm an attractive person, I'm a talented person.. Dear God, please grant me grace." She whispered to herself as she pulled out her sheet music and handed it over to the pianist. 

The piano started playing and whilst she started singing on autopilot, her mind was somewhere else entirely as overanalyzed every little thing she was doing and the reaction of the judges from across the room.

_"Maybe I should have told them I was sick last week? Shit, they're gonna think this is the way I usually sing...  
Why the fuck is this pianist playing so loud? Should I sing louder?  
I'll sing louder.  
Maybe I should just stop and start over? I think I'm gonna stop and start over, or maybe it's too late for that?  
Why is the director staring at his crotch? Oh no, why is that man staring at my résumé? Don't stare at that, oh my god, I made up half of my résumé. Stop looking at that! No, don't look at my shoes. I hate these stupid shoes! Why did I pick these shoes? Why did I even pick this song? Why the fuck did I pick this career?" _

The pianist slowed down for no reason, making her almost run out of breath. She sent him a look and nodded strongly to try to get him to continue, as her inner panic intensified. 

_"Why does this pianist hate me?  
Well, at least if I don't get this callback I can go buy a couch with mom.  
Not that I want to spend a day with mom, but Katya needs space to write since I'm obviously such a horrible, annoying, distraction to her... What's she gonna be like if we get married?  
Honestly why am I even working so hard? These are the people who decided to cast Russel Crowe in a musical for christ sake... Jesus, I suck..."_

"Thanks, we've heard enough." The director spoke, cutting her off halfway through the song. Trixie knew what that meant; thanks for coming, we don't want you.

"Thank you, thank you very much." She said politely as she retrieved her things and left the room, the same way she'd left hundreds of auditions before.

Trixie hated who she was becoming, and she would not play into it.  
She refused to become the girl who was stuck at home all day in the suburbs with a garden and a dog.  
She also refused to be stuck as a bar waitress for the rest of her life.  
But most of all, she would not be the girl who would forever be asked what it was like to be trotting along at the genius's heels. She refused to become that. She refused to need a girlfriend to get by.


	11. If I Didn't Believe In You

_**1 year ago** _

"Trixie, of course I care about what you're feeling." Katya argued.

"Clearly not! I've been to every one of them, literally so many of them and the same thing happens. No one gives a shit that I'm there, you never have time to talk to me. I'm basically just your waitress for the evening, giving you drinks when your glass is empty. You never listen to my feelings about it ever!" The brown eyed girl said in a seemingly never ending stream of words.

"I've been listening to your feelings, I've been listening to them all day." Katya interjected as she put on her lipstick, but Trixie just continued talking.

"And people must think that I'm your freaking publicist 'cause they keep asking me to take pictures of you on their phone. And all of them ask me the same things over and over. _How did you and Katya meet? What's Katya like? Where are you from? What's your name?_ "

"Oh, I am so sorry that they ask you the same questions again and again! It's two hours of your fucking life, it's not like they're your best friends." The blue eyed girl started yelling as Trixie talked louder and louder.

"No one would notice if I didn't go! You beg me to go and you abandon me all night, Katya. And I'm waiting for someone to talk to me, God knows you never do!" 

"Yes I do. I fucking do Trix-"

"No you never do, I'm standing all alone, all fucking night-"

"Listen to me! Listen! Stop, stop it!" Katya yelled as she slammed her hand into the wall making Trixie shut up.

"God, just stop and listen to me! Can we just for two minutes have a conversation without you contradicting everything I say? And then fine, after that, you can say whatever you want. Okay? Look, there are people who are publishing my book and they are throwing a party for me. And I get it, you've made it very clear that you're not going, but I'll be going. And that, that's done." Katya said in frustration. 

Trixie sat there stoically, not looking at her, but not interrupting either.

"But what's it really about? Is it really about a party, Trixie? Can we please for a minute stop blaming eachother? Can you just say what you truly feel? Is it just that you're disappointed that you have to go back to Ohio? Did you expect this to be much easier than what it truly is? Huh? Please, just talk to me, Trixie..." Katya said in a calmer tone as she sat next to her wife, but still not a word came from the lips of the brown eyed girl.

"Listen, if I didn't believe in you, we'd never have gotten this far. If I didn't believe in you... and jesus, all of the _ten thousand women_ you can be sometimes... If I didn't think you could do anything you ever wanted to, and I wasn't sure if you'd come through in the end, the fact of the matter is, Trixie, I wouldn't still be here now." The blue eyed girl stood up to sit down on her knees in front of the other woman, trying desperately to make the girl look at her and listen, but the doll continued to avoid her eyes.

"If I didn't believe in you, we wouldn't be fighting right now, I'd just walk out the door and say; _Trixie, you're right._ But I know you, I've known how you can be since the day I met you 4 years ago, and so I couldn't just let that go. Honestly, I believe in you endlessly, it has never taken much convincing to make me do that." She tried to say sweetly, however Trixie pulled away, standing up and walking towards their bedroom. 

"Don't we get to be happy, Trix? At some point down the line? Shouldn't we get to relax without a new fucking obstacle every day to push me even further from you? And when I'm cheering on your side, why can't you support mine? Why do you make me feel like I'm commiting some crime for doing exactly what I always said I'd do?" Katya yelled, stopping Trixie in the middle of the hallway by pulling her back by her wrist. 

The doll rolled her eyes at the comment regarding support, feeling as if the blue eyed girl was being entirely unfair considering she'd in fact been spending 4 years of her life attending events in order to support her wife.

"Let me go." Trixie said emotionless as she ripped her wrist out of the other girl's grip.

"Listen, I don't want you to hurt, or feel like you can never get your head over water. Hey, hey.." Katya said as she wrapped the girl up in a hug from behind, before continuing; "But I think you'll be fine, just hang on and you'll see, but don't make me wait until you reach your goals to be happy."

Trixie just laughed sarcastically and pulled away, taking off her earrings and shoes before ripping off her dress, making it even more clear that she was going absolutely nowhere that evening.

"God, will you listen to me?!" The blue eyed girl screamed, hitting the wall once again.

"No one can give you courage, Trixie! No one but you can make you stronger! I will not fail in order for you to feel comfortable, I will not loose because you can't win." Katya yelled. 

The brown eyed girl sat down on their couch once more, feeling her heart get ripped out at her wife's words. The statement making it shatter into a thousand pieces.

There was a silence for a while, the sound of Trixie's tears of sorrow and Katya's tears of frustration and anger mixing together in the air. Any noise threatening to break them completely.

"If I didn't believe in you, Trix, I could never have stood in front of all of our friends and said this is the life I wanted, that this is the thing I can't bear to loose. I couldn't have said that no matter what, we refuse to give up. But that's what I thought we agreed on, Trixie... Honestly.. If I hadn't believed in you, I wouldn't have loved you at all." Katya said in a softer tone. Trixie dried her tears, her stoic expression returning at her wife's words.

"Baby... Baby, please just put on your dress and we can go to this stupid party. Please, can you just do that for me? Please?" 

Trixie got up and started walking out of the room.

"Trixie? Trixie, where are you going?" Katya asked as the girl continued to walk away from her.

"Trixie, stop!" She yelled, but a slam of their bedroom door was all she was met with.


	12. I Can Do Better Than That

_**4 years ago** _

It was a long drive, around 13 hours and yet the pair didn't care. They were like teenagers who'd fallen in love for the first time, their minds only filled with adoration for the other person. Katya was going to be meeting Trixie's parents for the first time and so they'd made a roadtrip out of it.

"You know they're gonna love me, right? I'm the best with parents." Katya joked.

"I'm sure they will." Trixie laughed, and Katya tried so hard to keep her eyes on the road instead of staring at that beautiful smile she knew Trixie would be sporting.

"Honestly, I'm so happy I got out of that town. You've got no idea." Trixie added after a while.

"What was it like?" 

"Well, my best friend got knocked up at the end of our senior year, a month after graduation she and her boyfriend, Mitchell got married." The doll started explaining.

"Oh wow." 

"I know. Carolann got stuck at home, constantly asking; _What am I doing here?_ , whilst Mitchell was out every night, being a heavy-metal drummer. Then the baby came and they both settled down. They got a little cute house on a little cute street, with a crucifix on the door, and Mitchell got a job at the record store in the mall whilst Carolann is a stay-at-home mom." She continued.

"Oh my god, they are literally every prejudice I've had against rural Wisconsin." Katya laughed, making Trixie scream like a bird. 

"Right?! And honestly that's just the typical facts of a typical life in my hometown. And I thought about what I wanted, and it was seriously anything but that. So I attended Carolann's baby shower and thought; _I can do better than that_ , and in a year or so I left for New York." 

"Well, thank god you did, baby." The blue eyed woman said, picking up the doll's hand and kissing it softly.

"Me too, I just thought like; _What have I got to lose?_ So I rented a room, got a cat, and honestly never again because cats are devils, and I got twenty pounds thinner." Trixie said.

"Oh, she's a skinny legend!" Katya yelled out, making the doll slap her arm, feeling embarrassed even tho it was unlikely that anyone could hear them over the roaring noise of cars speeding down the interstate.

"When I moved I met this girl in a class I was taking who wouldn't leave me alone unless I went with her to dinner. And like she was cute and sweet, and I guess she was good in bed... But I seriously gave up my life for a better part of a year. And the second I thought it might get serious she said she needed a break, needed to focus on her _career_." 

"Okay, she can fuck all the way off." 

"Mhmm, she even blew me off by leaving a heartfelt letter, and again I just thought; _I can do better than that, I deserve better than that._ " Trixie said as she leaned over to kiss Katya's neck.

"Baby, I'm driving."

"Pull over." Trixie demanded, and Katya couldn't resist. At the earliest posibillity she drove off the interstate, driving into a woodland area where they couldn't see a house for miles. 

Just as the blue eyed girl had parked the car Trixie's lips where on hers, their tounges dancing around eachother before the doll's lips started kissing and sucking on Katya's neck once more, making the red lipped girl moan sweetly.

"You don't have to get a haircut. You don't have to throw out your wierd collection of fake body parts. You don't have to like Barbie, just love me. You don't have to do the dishes. You don't have to stop smoking. You don't have to like live music. You don't even have to like food. You don't have to change a thing, just stay with me." Trixie said as she attacked Katya's skin, painting the pale complection with stains of pink and marks of purple and red. 

"Fuck Trix, I love you so much." Katya groaned as she pulled the doll's shirt off.

"I love you too. God, I just want you and you and nothing but you, miles and piles of you. No substitution will do, nothing but fresh, undiluted and pure, cream of the crop and totally mine." The brown eyed girl continued as she ripped off the other woman's clothes.

Soon their bodies joined together as they chased the highs of pleasure. Skin against skin moving so perfectly in an elegant fashion despite it being in the middle of the woods not far from a highway. The contrast creating an odd sort of synergy.

Once completion had found them, Trixie layed down on Katya's chest, the blue eyed woman's hands playing with the doll's long blonde hair, combing through it in a calming fashion.

"I don't need any lifetime commitments, you know.. I don't like need to get married anytime soon, so please don't throw up your walls and defenses. Really, I don't mean to put on any pressure, but I know when a thing is right and this Katya, this feels so right to me." Trixie said as she layed a hand on the other woman's heart, knowing it was cheesy but unable to stop herself.

"It feels right to me too, Trix. Trust me, if I didn't believe in us, I'd have never had gone on this trip with you." Katya said kissing the doll's cheek. They layed in comfortable silence before Trixie spoke up again.

"By the way, when we get to my house, take a look at that town, take a look at how far I've gone. I swear, I'll never move back, ever. It feels like my life led me right to your side and will keep me there from now on. So just think about what you wanted, think about what we could be, think about how I love you and please say you'll move in with me. Think of the bullshit we've both been through, Kat. All that's just the past now and we can do better, I promise." Trixie spoke.

"I'll think about it, okay?" The blue eyed girl responded.

"Okay." The doll said as she nodded against Katya's chest.

"Do you really think we won't end up like any of those people?" Katya asked after a while.

"I really do, we can do better than that."

If only Trixie had known then what she knew now.


	13. Nobody Needs To Know

_**1 month ago** _

The morning sun gleamed in through the windows and Katya was pulled out of the clutches of sleep. She looked at the young, dark haired girl next to her, admiring the soft, bare skin on display.

"Hey baby... good morning. You look like an angel." Katya whispered to the girl. "I don't remember when we fell asleep, but we should get up, babe. Trixie is waiting..." She added.

Katya hated that she had to leave her, but she couldn't stay. Bitterly she got up from bed to get ready to travel to see Trixie. She knew she had to, she made a promise and she took a vow, but their story's ending had changed.  
Katya just needed to lay low, hide her secrets in the darkest corners of the room. Nobody needed to know...

She got dressed, her clothes feeling like an armor as she prepared to leave for Ohio, the other girl following suit.  
Katya felt as if she was headed back into battle, knowing what awaited her in Ohio would be far from pleasant. When there, she'd have to swear to Trixie that she was never with the dark haired girl, or any other woman, and Katya would just pray she'd get to hold the angel next to her again.

Their marriage was over, it was already done, but she knew Trixie couldn't see that. Trixie refused to see that.  
So, she'd never understand...  
They had built a treehouse that Katya had kept from shaking, the blue eyed girl adding more glue every time it broke. She'd kept it perfectly balanced, until she started making conscious, deliberate mistakes.

But all she had asked for was one little corner, one private room in the back of her heart that Trixie couldn't reach.  
But if she told the brown eyed girl she'd found one, the girl would send out battalions, claim it and blow it apart. The truth is, they had both gripped harder and harder, but the more they held on, the faster they were sliding down.

And what could Katya do?

"Come back to bed, baby. Take me back inside you. I promise I won't lie to you..." Katya said as she returned to the bed, holding out her arms for the young girl who was getting dressed. The dark haired girl stepped back into her arms, sitting down on the bed as her tears streamed.

"Hold on, don't cry. I won't let you go, baby." Katya whispered, kissing the girl's neck. Her own panic receded. Everyone would bleed, but she would get what she longed for, and nobody needed to know anything more than necessary.

"And since I have to be in love with someone. Since I need to be in love with someone. Maybe I could be in love with someone... like you?" Katya told the young girl as they returned to bed.

She'd be late to Ohio, but she no longer cared. Nobody needed to know why.


	14. Goodbye Until Tomorrow/I Could Never Rescue You

_**2 hours ago** _

Katya had packed up all her stuff. Now all that was left was to leave Trixie a heartfelt letter to explain everything.

_Dear Trixie._

_I called Fena to help me pack my bags.  
I went downtown and closed the bank account.  
It's not about another shrink, and it's not about another compromise.  
I'm not the only one who's hurting here, and I just don't know what the hell there's left to do. You never saw how far the crack had opened, you never knew I had run out of rope. And I could never rescue you, no matter how much I tried._

_All I could do was love you, and God, I loved you, but now I have to let you go.  
We can fight more, we can wait longer, or I can go now, and that's what I'm choosing to do._

_Goodbye, Trixie._

_\- Katya_

As she left the apartment and put the last bags in her car, she thought back to how they were five years ago.  
Back to the first time she'd left Trixie's apartment. Back to the beautiful, glowing girl she'd fallen in love with. That Искушение Goddess whom she had fallen so hard for.

They had reluctantly pulled apart after a thousand passionate kisses. Katya hadn't been able to get enough of the perfect girl. Trixie had been everything she'd ever dreamed of, and she had been desperate to see her again.

 _"Don't kiss me goodbye again. We won't be able to let go, so just leave this night clean and quiet. All you can say, all you can feel, was wrapped up inside that one perfect kiss. So, let's leave it at that, I'll watch you go and then we can say goodbye until tomorrow. Goodbye, Katya. Goodbye until the next time you call, and I swear I'll be waiting for you. All my life, I've struggled to keep my balance. I've struggled to open myself up, but you're cutting the strings holding me back. Finally I feel free to open my wings. So goodbye for now, and I'll see you tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that."_ Trixie had said as they had pulled apart.

At the time, forever had seemed like an easy promise. Right from the beginning it seemed impossible for them to break apart. Katya would have never thought she'd be leaving it all behind.  
But Katya could never rescue the girl, she couldn't cut through those strings like Trixie had said. She'd loved her with everything she had, but now there was nothing left to do or say.

 _"Goodbye until tomorrow. Goodbye until I'm done thanking God and I crawl to your door."_ Katya imagined Trixie standing on the staircase saying, just like the girl had five years ago.

But it wasn't _"goodbye until tomorrow"_ this time...

"I'm sorry, Trixie. I didn't see a way we both could win." Katya spoke, speaking to the memory of Trixie.

 _"Just close the gate, I'll stand and wait... Katya, Goodbye."_ Trixie had said.

"Goodbye Trixie." Katya said before driving away, leaving the memories of Trixie behind.

Soon the brown eyed girl would come home, probably completely unsuspecting, and enter their apartment to find all the lights off and a letter on Katya's desk.  
By that time, Katya would already be long gone.

And just like that, all they'd built for the last five years would disappear into dust.


End file.
